“The N-word “is arguably the most consequential social insult in American history, according to Randall Kennedy, a professor at Harvard Law School. Two decades ago, he wrote a book simply entitled n—–: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word.
Throughout history, the N-word has frequently and casually been used by people of diverse positions and backgrounds, including U.S. Presidents, Senators, and Supreme Court Justices. In the words of Maya Angelou, the N-word has evolved into something that is “vulgar and dangerous.”
Kennedy, in his searing book, discusses the use of the N-word by Whites and Blacks alike. For example, he talks about Chris Rock, who uses the N word liberally, but also makes it clear that Whites can’t say things about Blacks that Blacks say about themselves. For many, the N-word is a cover for white racism.
Recently, the Pew Research Center asked U.S. adults about their views on the use of the N-word. 7 in 10 adults say it’s never acceptable for Whites to use the N-word. Interestingly, 4 in ten adults say it’s never acceptable for Blacks to say it.
As a sociologist, I tend to focus on the social context of language. In other words, in what setting is the word being used, whose using it, who is the audience, and what led up to its use? With virtually every word we use, context means everything.
Robert Sraver, the owner of the NBA Phoenix Suns, was recently suspended, in part, because he frequently used the N-word. His excuse? “He was just saying what he heard someone else say.” Evidently, Sarver, who is White, is one of the Whites studied by Pew who say it’s OK to use it sometimes.
Before I get ahead of myself, I need to come clean. More than two decades ago, I was teaching Introduction to Sociology at Baltimore City Community College. I had assigned an excerpt from a book I read at Colgate University, The Autobiography of Malcolm X. The direct quote I read word-for-word to our class came from a discussion Malcolm X had with his English teacher, Mr. Ostrowski. After Malcolm mentioned he was thinking of becoming a lawyer, Ostrowski responded, “A lawyer—that’s no realistic goal for a n—–. You need to think about something you can be.”
After class, one of my African American students wanted to see me in my office. When we met, he accused me of being a racist because I used the N-word. His accusation blindsided me. I mentioned I was simply reading Malcolm X’s own words straight from the book, but he would have none of that. As he saw it, I was a white guy showing my true colors. That experience taught me a valuable lesson. It’s never, ever appropriate for a White person to use the N-word.
For Whites, the N-word overrides and obliterates context. It’s that powerful. The circumstances don’t matter. The timing doesn’t matter. The audience and whose saying it doesn’t matter. Pure and simple, don’t ever use it.
Check out:
Dr. Bucher’s Web site on Diversity Consciousness: Opening Our Minds to People, Cultures, and Opportunities
Buy Dr. Bucher’s book – Diversity Consciousness
Dr. Bucher’s Facebook page on Diversity Consciousness
Links to more from Dr. Bucher…
Tom Brady…all that different?
I have no idea what Tom Brady has been going through as far as trying to balance twenty-plus years of playing in the NFL and being there for his wife and children. And yet I do know what he’s been going through. A week ago, Brady and his wife Gisele Bündchen ended their very public marriage after thirteen years. At times, the elite NFL quarterback and the world renown supermodel have seemingly been fairly open about his playing career over the course of more than two decades and its impact on their relationship and their children. Not too long ago, Gisele talked about growing apart and “wanting Brady to retire” which he did at the end of last season, at least for a short while.
Sport is often called a microcosm of society for a reason. And yet many sport commentators and journalists want to make Brady out to be one of a kind because of his fame and fortune and the fishbowl in which he lives. Yes, he has pressures and public scrutiny that I can’t imagine. His competitiveness and passion for the game of football is off the charts. Even Gisele has admitted that. And that can be a double-edged sword. That unbelievable passion for your career can make it difficult to find the time or energy to be there for your kids or your wife for that matter. Prior to their breakup, Gisele said she’d like Tom to be “more present;” a tough thing to do given his love for the game of football and all that he puts into being the best.
There are those who argue that elite athletes and coaches have more pressure on them than fathers in other lines of work. I don’t buy it; pressure comes in all shapes and sizes. And it’s not just about the demands of the profession, it’s also about the demands of one’s family situation. For instance, what about the father who has to balance two jobs to support his family, all the while being there for his stay-at-home wife and his child who has a serious lifelong disability?
Rather than pressure, it seems to me that commitment to one’s family is of paramount importance. Certainly, making that lifelong commitment is extremely difficult. It means putting your family first and laying it all on the line for your children and wife. So much of the discussion around Tom and Gisele has revolved around what’s best for them. And yet being a good daddy requires a realignment of sorts, as Brady is discovering. Brady now says his focus is on his children as well as winning football games.
In her book Lessons: My Path to a Meaningful Life, published only a few years ago, Gisele writes, “…I love my husband – and most of all, I trust him. With Tom, who provides our family with a stable foundation, I’m able to create a home.” That home looks different now, but the need for commitment, cooperation. and trust continue. It won’t be easy for Brady, the father, but then again it never is.
According to the Pew Research Center, many fathers today (about half) find it “very” or “somewhat difficult” to balance work and family life. Brady is no different. Many fathers today (about 30%) say they “always feel rushed” trying to balance their responsibilities. Brady is no different. Finally, many Americans (about half) say men face a lot of pressure to be an involved parent. Certainly, Brady is very familiar with pressure. On the football field he thrives on it. But family is a different kind of pressure, with its own rewards.
Check out:
Dr. Bucher’s Web site on Diversity Consciousness: Opening Our Minds to People, Cultures, and Opportunities
Buy Dr. Bucher’s book – Diversity Consciousness
Dr. Bucher’s Facebook page on Diversity Consciousness
Links to more from Dr. Bucher…
Dr. Bucher’s Facebook page on Autism
Dr. Bucher’s Website for his book A MOMMY, A DADDY, TWO SISTERS AND A JIMMY: AUTISM AND THE DIFFERENCE IT MAKES